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15 Nov 2006 17:57:24
Somehow reminiscent of other things I've read...

Very, very good. I'm impressed. I definitely liked the emotion portrayed in the ending, after the description of the vision.

The description of the process by which dragons are matched with riders seemed to be very similar to the one in some of Anne McCaffrey's books, the Dragons of Pern. Not sure if you've ever read them before or not. Some of the similarities were strikingly close, so that I was wondering if you'd taken the ideas from her books at all. Not that I think you would plagiarize, of course, but just so you know. The process itself seems to be fairly entrenched in your story, so I'm not sure you could really change it all that much very easily, but it's something to be aware of.

I also thought it was interesting with the comparison of Kneth to Satan. I noticed it with the wording of the sentence that describes how he rebelled against his father, but the one third reference totally destroyed any doubt. Might consider making that a little less obvious. Really blatant symbolism isn't always as fun to read. ;) It's a little better to try and figure it out by yourself.

I noticed a few type-os-- one of them was referring to the Risingwars disappearing near the beginning. I don't remember what the exact placement was, I could let you know later, but I remember being confused about the reference being plural-- thought maybe it should have been singular-- and the verb conjugation of "was" afterward was incorrect if it should have been plural. After reading more, I realized maybe you had been referring to the rider and his dragon (some of the references to "the Firebrights" tipped me off), but you might consider making that more clear.

There was another type-o, but I don't remember where it was at the moment. I'll find it and let you know. I also had a couple of other vague thoughts, but I wanted to read it again when I have a bit more time to think about it before I post anything else about it. Those are just my thoughts off-hand.

Overall, though, very good work!

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